Discipline

When most of us hear the word ‘discipline’, we automatically assume struggle. Push yourself, grind, get up and never stop moving even if you're going to die. This is obviously not a healthy view of discipline and isn't what discipline is truly about.

To view discipline as something hard or even as a punishment is to struggle internally.

As I said, this is not what discipline actually is and because you're viewing it the wrong way, you will have a problem maintaining that discipline.

Think of what it means to discipline a child. You may think, 'a child has done something wrong so we discipline them’. Another word to say instead of discipline is ‘punish’. You punish the child for doing something wrong. But does that really work? And why is it we associate discipline with punishment when they are at their core completely different?

It has been well proven that reward based systems get better results than punishment based systems (particularly in the long term) and yet that's exactly what many of us use for children and even for our own selves.

Why do we 'discipline' children? Why do they have to go through the humiliation of being yelled at, banished, left out or having their belongings stolen from them? We discipline them because ultimately we love them and have a strange way of showing it sometimes.

If a child goes to touch a hot stove, we may yell. If a child goes to cross the road without reaching for your hand, you may scold them. If a child hurts another, we punish them.

Do these things really work though?

If we look through the lens of love, you see that you don’t want the child to touch the hot stove or cross the road without you because you don't want to see them hurt. That is love.

You don't want them to hurt another being because you want to believe in the goodness of their heart and you're trying to teach them morals to live by.

You're scared for the child. So you punish them. You create an element of fear inside them so they don't do what you don't want them to do. You scare them away from it.

Ultimately, this does not change the child’s curious nature about the stove or their ability to learn to cross the road. It doesn't stop them from potentially wanting to hurt someone who perhaps hurt them first. It only makes them want to be sneaky. It teaches them not get caught, for they know punishment will follow.

So this leads me back to my question, why do we continue to discipline or punish children?

Let's break this down further:

The second limb of the eight limbs of Yoga is 'Niyama' which means ‘self-observance'.

So we are observing something on the inside of ourselves. There are five Niyama. The third Niyama is ‘Tapas' which means discipline' OR 'inner fire'.

In Yoga, discipline is seen as an act of loving strength. It is not a punishment. It is taking care of your body, your mind, your spirit and the things outside of you as well (children, animals, mother nature, your home etc).

Having discipline or 'healthy self discipline' (the term I use to help people truly understand what 1 mean even if they grew up thinking discipline meant punishment), means to have a healthy inner fire or inner strength.

The strength to make the right decision for yourself or for others in any given moment.

The right decision, is not always the toughest one. Often, it is the simplest one. The caring decision or even the soft decision.

For example:

It takes discipline to show up the Yoga in the morning.

It takes discipline to go to bed at a healthy time.

It takes discipline to eat foods that nourish your body.

It takes discipline to avoid sugar, alcohol or coffee.

It takes discipline to get out of bed.

It takes discipline not to avoid the hard things in your day.

It takes discipline to nurture a relationship.

It takes discipline to stay off your screens

It takes discipline to achieve any and all goals.

But it ALSO takes discipline...

To sleep longer if your body truly needs rest.

To do an easier workout or skip it completely.

To go on a holiday.

To take a day off.

To say no to a party if you need quiet time.

To avoid music, tv and noise to give yourself a break.

To rest.

To nurture.

To get a massage.

To commit to spending an hour in nature a day.

What I hope you can see here...

Is that discipline is love. It is the strength to choose well for yourself and for others. It is the strength to choose not to yell at a child for doing the wrong thing, but to teach them wisely why they might reconsider their actions.

It is the strength to show up, but it is also the strength to retreat and rest.

It is healthy self parenting.

Self mothering.

You are the only one who knows what your body needs and what you need in order to thrive and be happy.

So you are the only one who can make that call, decide and show up for yourself.

If we learn to do this well, it will not only be your own life changing for the better… But we will together raise children who have learnt how to have the strength and wisdom to take care of themselves and others with love.

with love & inner fire,

Madison Mindset x