Doing What I Want To Do

Hello, recovering people pleaser here.

You may get me on this, you may not. I actually hope you have no idea what I am talking about because THAT would mean that you don’t have this internal battle and I would love that for you.

However, there’s a very good chance that most people who read this understand this feeling. We are much more connected then we think. Even if we don’t know each other, we struggle with similar inner troubles. How cute is that?

At least we are in it together!

Here’s the thing…

What I want and what the people in my immediate circle want are sometimes not the same. I feel like I need a day off, others expect me to work. I feel like I want alone time, others expect hang out time. I feel like I want to be myself, others expect me to be a certain way. I feel like I want to make my kinda jokes, others don’t find my jokes funny. I feel like I want to wear certain clothes, others expect different clothes. I feel like I don’t want to wear make up or deodorant, others expect me to wear them.

You see where I am going with this?

This is totally normal. We are living in a world with multidimensional beings with souls and personalities, beliefs, values and thoughts. Of COURSE we are going to clash sometimes.

I am okay with that.

I am at peace with that.

For the most part.

When it’s people I don’t know, easy.

If it’s not someone I work for, easy.

If it’s not my family, easy.

BUT a lot of the time it is these people that I feel like I am letting down if I don’t do what I am expected to do, say or think.

I had TERRIBLE period pain today. SO bad that the first thing I did after getting out of bed was get on the couch and watch ‘Friends’ which is my all time favourite tv series.

I had to cancel my work. But before I did that, I had an inner battle with myself.

“I couldn’t possibly work today”, “But you’d be letting everybody down!”

“But I don’t want to let myself down”, “But then you won’t get money for the day and you’ll feel worse!”

“Having a period is a good reason not to work”, “That’s not a real reason!” (Bad programming much)…

Blah Blah Blah. I ended up making the right call for myself.

But this battle is so real.

I want you to know this:

There are times in life when you need to show up for the people, animals and the planet you’re living on. There are ALSO times when you need to show up for yourself.

To not show up for yourself, is a crime against yourself. You have a relationship with yourself. Is it a healthy relationship?

Do you listen and respond well?

Do you nurture and hold yourself when needed?

Do you love and respect your needs and desires?

OR do you neglect yourself completely in the name of ‘not letting others down’.

Myself, I am just about DONE with this.

I made a good call for myself today and you know what? I feel heaps better.

My body needed time and I am so glad I made that time.

I don’t feel bad. I feel LIBERATED.

From one recovering people pleaser to (potentially) another,

You are MORE than worth showing up for as well.

with love & self care,

Madison Mindset x